stress

For this sem, not knowing why, the stresses i'm having is no longer the allowable stress i can handle of. It's been piling up on me, like a huge burden on me.

Exams, expenses, bad moods, and incompetence in study, keep arousing me, keep combining into a burden to myself. The increasing number of friends who have done their exams, also keeps disturbing my study mood.

This burden exhaust me a lot, but i really dont know much about the way to release those tension. That's why i sometimes emo, i reli hope her can understand. I sumtimes reli feel sorry for her.

Stress ar!! Please dissapear!! onegai!!

I'm childish?? am i???

Read an article in a magazine when i'm at kinmarie salon today. It's a horoscope article actually, and it says cancer are childish. I'm a cancer, so do i look childish or am i acting childish??

Hmm....reviewing wat i've been thru, i believe i'm mayb sort of having 50% of those childish genes running thru my body. But, for the truth, i seems like kinda like the childish me. It's fun, it makes your worries dissapear, even jz for a short moment of time.

Do u like for being said as childish? I hope u reli do....cz jz imagine u r returning to the kiddy age of urs, having fun tat the elders cnt seems to understand about. And, the most important, you are smiling sincerely, happily when you're childish.

So, if u are asking urself, 'i'm childish, am i??' again, then perhaps you should have nod and be happy with it.

abandoned.....

I jz hate it when i'm abandoned!!

addicted to.....

I'm addicted to peanut butter paste, cz they're crunchy and delicious, and it sweetens my mouth.

I'm addicted to chocolate, cz they're warm, they warm the hearts of emotional-down people.

I'm addicted to sleeping, cz it's the best way to fill time and keep your mind out of worries for tat moment.

I'm addicted to english songs, not all though, cz they jz seems able to soothen my heart.

Everybody has things that makes them addicted to, jz in different ways. No matter what is it, it's the best to live with it, happily. Don't feel shy of it, cz life won't be so monotonous when u have those.

teenage dreams

i'm not talking bout the latest hits by katy perry.......but it's a topic really related to us, as teenagers.

The elders often say that teenagers, which is us, aging from 18 till 20 smth, are almost useless. It's really insulting, but sorry to admit, i have to partially agree with what they said. We often have dreams, dreams of buying this or that, wearing those brandy clothes, dreaming of getting this girl, satisfying her, dreaming of those rich future, and even worse, some perverts have those wet teenage dreams. However, teenage dreams, aren't like those dreams dreamed by our parents during their teenage age. What we do to achieve these so-called dreams, is by putting out our hands and accept the helping hands by the parents.

If they would help, then it would b lucky for us. But, if what we get aren't helping hands, but nagging and full of 'NO's, i bet we would be activating those rebellious self that existed in ourselves. We would hate those nagging, started to boast off, saying what-so-called that 'we can do this by ourselves', 'we don't nid ur help' or sort kinda things. These are jz a short moment of victory dream, before we realize the reality.

Therefore, in the end, their help is always essential for us to achieve the teenage dreams, though there would be some exceptions (%=0.01%). Acting cool and hard-headed jz ain't bringing u closer to ur dreams. Sometimes, being an OBEDIENT son or daughter is neccesary for dreams and to repay what they have gave us. Control ur rebellious self and train ur patience for the better future.

Hate myself!!

Hate myself for being so useless;
Hate myself for being weak on promises;
Hate myself for being addicted to laziness;
Hate myself for being totally out of money senses.

Hate myself for being bad in studies;
Hate myself for being nothing in leaderships;
Hate myself for having no work capabilities;
Hate myself for being nothing but an ordinary useless.

weak

I dunno y, but since tis sem started, i've been weak. I mean not jz my physical condition, but mentally too. Perhaps, being a leader jz ain't easy enough for such kind of a person like me.

Although I've slept early almost everyday, but it seems my body are still vulnerable to those common diseases, such as flu, fever and cough. Nt jz me, she experienced it as well, is this call 'love sick' ?? haha...i wonder@.@

Obstacles are kept running to my way for this sem, and if i'm continuing in the weakest me, i bet i would fell down b4 the obstacles. So, i hope that i can be stronger in both physical and mental to overcome them and do my best in both curricular and academic.

EQ

I curse u all!! U bloody hells, damn u all!! made my emotions lost control, especially my anger, it even burns others!! don't let me know who you are, if nt u'r sure gonna get it!! U bloody hell!!

Stupid Pig-Heads!!

Damn! I'm freakingly shocked when i heard such a statement!! I reli can't believe this is what that could be said by university student?!

After hearing those words, i'm totally stunned, fire of anger started to burn stronger and stronger in my belly, and rises, and i nearly spit flame!! Damn freakish pig heads, can't believe they could say such thing. Jz imagine u exchange places, what would u feel when u heard those words?! Damn bloody shitheads!! Can't believe still gt ppl agree wit that. U all can jz go find a clean white wall and knocked your heads off!! Stupid bastard idiotic bloody shit-pig-heads!!

Shutting down my mind

I feel that my evil sides have gained more than half of the control over my mind, maybe i shud let it rest and installing a strong antivirus to kill my evil thoughts.............

Hope i won't think so much again after this shut-down

WHY??

Why i feel like this?

Why i feel like this, when he's here?

Why i feel like this, when he's here, around her?

Is it some sort of distorted jealousy? But, why?

Am i thinking too much? But, why?

Why? why? WHY?

Should i leave this unsolved or should i put my hands into it?

But, the only problem is I dunno why i feel like this..........

looks alike

it's aint couple-tee, but they jz look alike, rite? (kekeke). Bsides, it's my 1st time taking my own ss pic in public......mayb reli a gud experience for the other times....hehehe

1st ever birthday

It's doesn't sounds like i'm having my first birthday celebration for the whole life. It just refering to this special day was the 1st ever birthday i'm having with her. The day is also the day where i received most blessings ever, and of course most presents and cakes. (muahahaa.....)

We went to Sunway and apent the whole day thr. Thr, i had my 1st time eating in Manhattan Fish Market, it's quite nice.....although some said they're nt nice at all (watever)!!

Thx for ur present, dear!!

anti-supper

i think i shud start join the anti- supper program from now on, i jz cnt stand my belly keep on growing. I dun wanna wear big-sized pants, i wan have a nice body, so i nid a strong will to continue on this hard or rather say almost impossible task for me. May the strong will and lucks are always be with me, accompanying me, while minimizing my body area, crushing all the oil sacs.

Slapping myself

I'm such a FAILURE!!!!

I've made such a big mistake in the very first love. Slap myself hard, knock my head 'bam', crush myself, for me making such silly mistake. Regret ain't jz gonna keeps everything away. And i reli cnt reimburse u with anything other than my sincere, terribly sorry and my grieve regrets. sorry for dissapointing u. Curse myself for dissapointing u.

I'm Sorry!!!

sicking season

holidays are meant for rest, i mean a true rest, nt a rest due to some sickening sickness......

I hate it when i have those endless sickness arousing, disturbing me for this hols. these stupid virus jz keep on attacking me, crushed one, then came another. Luckily, i'm ok nw. Hope thr's no more sicking season for me again. Hope her ulcers will get well soon too

nothing but regret....

This MHS have been a sad week for me, for i've a bad news for myself, my sem 2 pointer are jz around 2.7. Tears shed, regretting myself for nt doing well in my mid-sem and nothing can be done to save it anymore.

Now, the only way is to change totally for the brand new sem, it mayb hard for me to achieve the goal, but with the propulsion from the great sorry to my parents and myself, i'll try my best. I want to transform into the brand new me, no more late nights, no more truant, tutorials are done and revision is a must everyday. This is the plan, hope that i can get some support to stamp the old self and bury it deep into the core of my heart and bring out all the good potentials, and make a new-self.

wat am i writing??

jalan sini jalan ke mari,

hendak membeli kayu;

setiap saat setiap hari,

hanya saya missing u.

PP.....

Officially, a 'PP' am I nw......wat's tat, lots would b curious bout......

'PP' means pembantu pelajar in Bm, sort like a helper for those newcomers n orientate them. To bcum tis, interview, then training and finally assigned. Training was middle-tough, yet, it's still an enjoyable process. Laughters been spread, new bonds are made and strengthen, friendship network widens it's coverage, lessons learnt, and self-qualities upgraded.

Reli hopes that the MHS week would b enjoyable, though i'm in Biro Disiplin, whr i have to stick my face up always, and scold ppl here n thr, making my image to b a bad guy......haha. Anyway, hopes every1 appreciate tat week, cz it's the last week to be wit the ex-asasian students, which were jz frens for such a short time.

Go! Go! Go! FOR ALL PP! GO FOR MHS!!!

I'm ugly, she's pretty...hihi

Taken wif my low quality phone camera, but she's still so pretty, haha. Happy for the trip at genting, happy for myself, happy for her, happy for everything..............unlimited happiness....haha. Thx her alot, for what she gives.....love her!

darkness

It's dark, pitch black, all around me. There's only a feeble light shining on my face. It's kinda warm, but that's not what i wanted. I want brightness.........

I want a sunny bright light, to shine me a path. A path to the shrine of knowledge, up above the high top. Some do love lurking around in the darkness, it's sounds exciting. But, for me, being under the sunshine, it's still the best.

I hate this dark era, so please grant me with intelligence and a torch of great light, so that i could walk past this era safe and sound.

the road

I'm starting to lose my breath, the end look so near, yet it's too far to reach.

I'm running on the road to the end, it looks so simple, by just reaching the end, you'll get a great prize. But, when you're on it, it will show the true colours of it slowly. Sometimes, u feel like u knew what lies at the next corner, but sometimes, u wont be able to predict what's going on next. The road is just so unpredictable, so hard to understand.

Frequently, i have thought of taking a quick end, but the light of hopes would just never extinguish. Run and run, watching one by one participants reached the end, its just so hurt, and making me feel more low and humble. I often think that the reason i'm lacking off is that i'm not a long distance runner, i'm lack of stamina, strength or maybe intelligence.But, i never found a way for myself, to get myself out of this mess.

Maybe the prizes at the end were never meant to be mine. Now, i'm starting to regret for participating for the 1st place, when i have already knew what the capabilities of mine are. I'm frustrating, i'm lost, i'm helpless. Should i muster all my energy and end this? Or should a take a stop here and end the race forever?

Traphole

It's a hole just like wat u've seen in the movie of 'Alice in the Wonderland', a hole so deep that u barely can see the bottom, so intriguing, seducing u to look in it, so that u can fell into it. Pls be caution, don ever fell to it, it's a trap-hole. Once u dipped a lil into the dark hole, u'll b trapped, then u'll feel like being sucked into a black hole. The same happened to me, i cnt even climbed out of it. I've been pulled n sucked deeper and deeper. You can do nothing, but to wait for some 'white prince' or a Xena the Lady Warrior to cum n save u. If thr's no one, then it's time to wait for some extremely low percentage miracles to happen. Or, unless, you really have strong 'survival' skill in this matter.

So, believe me, this intriguing, special-looking hole, is a never-should-step-in hole. But, once u accidentally gt in, i sincerely hope that u'll get nice dreams in thr, as the inner content of the hole are different and varies from person to person. Final caution, remember, carefree and being alone is always the best, and it may not seems so pity as what u've heard and seen. The hole is just a trap, a hole that'll trap all your feelings, emotion and even urself. Therefore, it's advisable to not step into the hole, unless you have truly matured, rational consciousness, so that u dont get hurt or trapped. =)

Lie or truth?!

Recently, i've been thinking a lot. A lot of matters popped out of my mind. Day n nite i've been thinking bout these....slowly one by one is solved, but only a matter or two left.

One of it is about myself. I tink, ive been lying to myself for a period of time. I feel like i'm hypnotizing myself to walk a way of life that would not be taken by the rational me. Am i living based on a lie? Or am i walking the right way?

Feelings have surpassed every barriers in my inner heart, it's even capable of deceiving my brains and abandon of my rationality. So, it would be absolutely hard for me wake up and to think about this matter. Only one can solve my problem and she's the only one.

But, on the same time, when i've found the way to solve my problem, i'm struggling to wake up. Mayb this fake lie is a desirable life compared to another path that may lead to darkness.

So, is it lie or truth? Should i be awake or kept in this dream life? Answers are yet to be found!

Smiling is the best!!!

Problems happened, quarrels occurred, relationships are ruined. This is the most unwanted difficulties in everyone's life. But, it's fate, maybe, that makes it happen.

Because of this, smile fades away, gloomy faces emerge, part of my world have turned into land of misery. Although i'm nt part of it, but it's really miserable and uncomfortable to be near with it. The once always shining sun have turned into the gloomy, dark, lonely moon.

Perhaps, i'm nt in a position to say who's wrong and who's right. But, deep in my heart, i really hope that they can solve the problems as soon as possible. I really hope to retain the bright smiles on their faces and so do i wanted my land back to normal. Isn't smiling is the best? So, do smile always, it cures the sadness. Smile every1!!!!

MAG

It's a first prom for me, amazingly, i feel nothing too special from the other dinner i have went. It's more like a proper function for people to snap photos of their best looks and enjoy nice dinner.

However, in this dinner, i saw something interesting, a lot of couples start popping out, like the mushrooms after the rain. It's sure a good news for the paparazzi in the college, cz they have new topics to discuss again. I really congrats them for succeeding, and on the same time, i'm sad for myself.

Tat nite was already satisfying for me, at least at gt to take a pic with her and that's the best picture for the nite. Thx her for allowing me to snap a pic with her.

A Lucky Charm pls...

Days like this have caused a lot of nuisance for me, they're bothering my mind everyday, I just cant stand it anymore!!

They're outnumbering my normal days, boldly interrupting my normal life, slowly turning me into abnormal. Pls God, i'm just an ordinary teenage who wanna enjoy the university. Pls stop testing me with these. I'm weak, helpless and will not stand long enough to pass ur test. Damn, I'm just so desperate to have a lucky charm. I'm praying hard also for some lucky 'demi-god' to stand near me and sweep away those unlucky days.

So, if u feel u'r lucky, jz a simple request i would like to ask. That is, donate some luck for me, or just stay beside me, I jz dont want to be like hell of a shit like now anymore. PLEASE!!!

Proms

Prom or prom nights are the American culture of which I think is one of the best. Although in the nation, proms has been held starting from high school, but in Malaysia, it is more commonly seen in Universities. However, it is already a satisfactory for it an be embedded in this conservative-minded nation.

Proms are all about dance, a dinner, pairs, and the most important, gorgeous and smart attires, as seen in the above picture. The proms are believed to be the nights that will remain as sweet memories in everyone's minds.

For me, a 'kampung' guy, i never knew that there's prom in the university. I came with a bag of stupid looking clothes, and those cant even full my small cupboard. There's no and wont be any suitable attires for prom nights will ever exist in my cupboard nor at home. Until i went out and bought it, spending vast amount of cash on them.

Therefore, proms are events that are excruciating and maybe will be a good experience for a first-timer like me ( I havent attend 1....hahaah). Hoping to enjoy in the incoming MAG nite.....

Cherishing....

Time passed so swiftly, hardly i can realize that i'm actually a University student already. Refreshing the moments of matriculation, secondary, and primary school, I really have some regrets for not totally enjoying those moments. But, what can i do, i have no power to reverse time. Now, i'm in a University campus, and what i can do is enjoy the moments here fully.

However, who knows, maybe i'm jz not the type or not the one that is destined to enjoy. Because of enjoying too much, going for outings, i had a bad result. What a shame of me! Reanalysing the matter, mayb it's because I cnt control my own will....i couldnt ignore those attractions and seductions. Shopping complexes that are jz not far from the campus, places for supper that are near, friends that can play around, unlimited web access.........But, when a campus is lack of these, we'll be like singaporeans, complaining here and they're. When they're here, we jz cnt stop being seduced, wasting your time at any moment. Or mayb it's jz me, my weak will.

Aside from that, i accidentally have feelings for her. In the bottom of my heart, i reli dunno y i'm so attracted to her. She's not a beauty, she's nothing special, she's...................but y?Why i'm so attracted to her? So willing to sacrifice myself for her, wishing to meet her evrytime, wanna treat her for anything, thinks of her anytime, y?

However, i kept being turned down, once, twice, thrice, and more, but y i jz cant let it go or forget it. I jz kept on going down the doomsvalley, although i knew it a one-way trip, thr's no turning back. She has gained the power, sort of to take control of me. Can somebody save me??

Forget bout those 'devil', i believe i still have some 'angels' here. In my college, I sort of have 2 family, one is the real 1, Kiwi......a family filled with 'yellow' guys and friendly girls. Moments during the family trip, outings, birthday parties would sure be cherished. Although I'm always the joker, but they're the best audience. I really appreciate it, if they never clapped, i would have been a lonely joker.

Next, is the P&C Cherry family, the members though are in a small amount. But, all are members and friends who are fun, who can fool around, and are jokers as same as me. Among the members, there are even a joker specialized on cold jokes, mayb we should bring some jackets during the family reunion. well, the family's age is jz not more than a month. But, it's really a great pleasure to spend time with them.

Thank you all of you for accompanying me. Thanks for being my friends, thanks from saving me from loneliness. And, you thanks for giving me such feelings. These would sure be cherished, treasured and kept in the depth of my heart. =)